Guess what? I am still here. Still writing. Still living. Still schmoking.
2024 although a lovely year, has turned out to be quite the rollercoaster. I am not one to go into specifics about my trauma and pain. Instead, I have always chosen the familiar relief that comedy brings. And so here I am, laughing at 2024. Thank God it’s over.
You see I could go on and on about my experiences, the things that truly hurt me and the things that changed my life. But the reality is, I am just excited to be here. To wake up and enjoy life. I am not unlike many women who find themselves renewed. I, too, long for a second chance at a life I love.
At 33 years old, I received the confirmation that I had dreaded my entire life. Bi Polar Disorder. The type of TikTok famous ailment that brings infamy, and memes galore. I was prepared for the diagnosis, but I was shocked by what followed. A sense that I had been dropped off in the middle of a forest and now forced to find my own way out. Sure, I have a therapist and the best care that my Blue Cross Blue Shield policy could afford me. But what the fuck do I do now?
They say there is no moving forward until you look back. And that’s exactly what I had to do. Look back on all the times when the signs were clear, but I was unable to see them. I had never relied on anything to get me through. Except the only thing I had never changed: my cannabis consumption.
Looking back, I sure did enjoy a blunt during tumultuous moments. I sure did smoke my stresses away, my pains away, the feelings that I didn’t understand, the feelings that I didn’t want. Weed was the only thing that took care of that. My frequent ritual of rolling up.
I love weed. I love smoking and Iove how it makes me feel. But suddenly I wasn't a recreational user. Suddenly I was connecting the dots on my consumption and the real effects I was experiencing. Really analyzing my consumption allowed me to be real with myself, and really focus on my health instead of avoid it.
There are so many things I brushed under the rug. So many times I didn't see a doctor when I probably should have. So many moments that I will never get back. Cannabis isn't a band aid. Cannabis is like a vitamin, a supplement to a well rounded life.
It was during this healing journey that I had to take a good hard look at my work. At my purpose, what I wanted to accomplish with the voice I’ve been given, and the words that I write. I had come so far from the mexandthecity that trotted through Chicago, breaking hearts, and smoking blunts. But who was I? And have I really changed that much?
I have never felt more myself than when I was writing blogs. When I was writing about my life, the foods I was eating, the blunts I was smoking, the men I was dating. I have always been transparent, a Mexican Carrie Bradshaw who revelled in her quips and prided herself on her fashion. That has always been me.
I’m entering the new year back in the hood that raised me. Waking up every day and romanticizing my life against a backdrop of festive streets and police sirens. Little Village isn’t the French countryside, but every morning when I look out into my concrete jungle, I am just a little bit more grateful for living here.
My love life, like Carrie’s, is passionate and imperfect. Suddenly single, I am excited for what that means and fickle about how to move forward. Indulging in the type of conversations I have always craved. Shying away from the type of interactions I always thought I wanted. And most importantly: cumming. A lot.
I write this because what saved me was you. Because in my darkest moments in the last 4 years, it was my readers and followers who pushed me to keep going. You were the one who didn't judge me, who continued attending my Open Mic, who to this day tells me to keep going. Cannabis didn't save me, you all did.
So I want to reintroduce Cannabaddie Talk. My safe space. The place where I will tell you about my adventures in Little Village. Where I will talk about my consumption, my opinions on cannabis, fashion, makeup, and maybe even the guys I date. I hope you will stick around. And I hope you will give this Cannabaddie another chance to take you along.
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